Today I found myself in English honors 3rd period, as I do every day Monday through Friday. I was actually on time to class today, so things were already looking good. I didn’t know however, that Mr. Theriault (I call him T) was going to tell us such an inspiring story and give us such good life advice, that I would end up dwelling on it the rest of the day and contemplating my entire life.
T talked about a number of great points, and I loved every word of it. One thing he mentioned was that everyone has moments of failure. Sometimes, he said, it is good to share our failures. Usually the stories we want to tell are the ones where we come out on top, the ones where we are the hero/heroine. He said that, then, we do things to lose ourselves and get away from our bad situations.
I’d like to share with you one of my personal failures, and my methods of coping.
We high school kids are so gosh darn insecure. I get really close to people really fast and then I’m disappointed, sometimes heartbroken, when they don’t live up to who I thought they were. Sometimes I’d rather belong anywhere than nowhere. Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone else. I always have a good number of friends, but there are many people who I’m only friends with for a short time and fade away from quite rapidly. This is especially true with guys. I jump into relationships way too quickly. It usually results with the later realization that this kid was a jerk and I am yet again, heartbroken.
It happens repeatedly and I end up feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone. I get really sad and I just want to crawl in bed. Then I’ll go home and fight with my dad and be short with my best friend and when I finally get into bed I just cry because sometimes that’s all you really can do.
I deal with pain by listening to music. Either really sad music or really angry music, usually fairly loudly. Some sad songs I use: “Jar of Hearts” by Christina Perri, “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor, “Miserable At Best” by Mayday Parade, “Hopeless” by Train, and “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd. Some angry songs from my “grrr” playlist: “Gives You Hell” by The All-American Rejects, “I Can Do Better” by Avril Lavigne, “Kiss With A Fist” by Florence and the Machine, and “Awful” by Hole. The last song I listen to will be something uplifting and inspiring, such as “Who You Are” by Jessie J, or “This Is My Now” by Jordan Sparks.
T talked about how sometimes we spend too much time in the past, and our parents spend too much time in the future and sometimes so do we, and we really need to just STOP for a second, and focus on right now. I don’t know how my life’s going to be going in 5 years from now, but I know that right now, things are alright. I’m not doing perfectly and I’m always fighting with someone, but I’ve learned how to breathe, and be alright. T said that “happiness is NOW.” Tonight I just now made a recording of me covering “This is My Now”. I only did one take, all the way through. Just me sitting in my room in my pj’s, on my laptop which has bad sound quality but oh well.
Sometimes it’s good to be sad. It really is. You have to admit your mistakes and figure out what you’re going to do next time to make things better. You’re in control of your life. Might as well do whatever you want and be whoever you want. Things will change, and it’s all going to be okay. But for the time being, focus on right now. This is your moment.
Seriously guys, “When all else fails, bagels are good.”-T
T said he’s inspired by how brave we as teenagers are to get up every morning and go to school even when things are really bad in our lives. I wonder if he knows even half of how inspired by him we are.
xoxo,
The Musician
all4autotelic 